January 10, 2012

Thanksgiving Prayer

I wrote this prayer for Thanksgiving just in case my father called on me to give thanks before we ate. He knows that I don't particularly like what he believes in, and I knew that he might do it just to make me feel uncomfortable. He didn't end up asking me to pray, but at least I was ready. Here is the weird, almost back-handed prayer that I wrote.


Dear Invisible Celestial Wizard Creature, or The Universe,

Thank you for this bountiful feast that we have before us. Thanks for cabbage. Thanks for chairs and tables. Thanks for books. Or really, thank you for giving us the ability to design, make, and cultivate these things. Thanks for evolving us into creative beings with language so that we may learn, record, and thank you.

Thanks for designing us in such a way that we can easily kill most creatures. Whether we are fighting bears, fires, or alcoholism, thanks for letting us use our minds to do so.

Thank you for poverty, so that we have reasons to better ourselves, and then have a reason to look down on other people.

Thank you for starvation, so that we have a reason to leave our homes and explore the world for shit to eat. Thanks for obesity, so that we have a reason to stop.

Thanks for war, because we have nothing better to do, and because we are just so damn good at it.

Thanks for other people, because most animals make terrible conversationalists.

Thanks for animals, because some people also make terrible conversationalists.

Thank you for life, so that we can experience the terrible world you created around us. Thanks for death, so that we can escape it.

And thanks for loving us and leaving us in a world filled with so many others. But mostly, thanks for love. Without it, everything else seems so trivial and mundane that it really makes us wonder why you created us in the first place. Did you do it as a joke to see how much we could endure? Did you do it as punishment of some kind? At least, with love, we have the ultimate joy. Really, we don't need you anymore. We have everything we need right here, right now, in this world in front of us. We can live our lives without you.

Thanks for leaving us here to do what we want.

Really, thanks for everything.